Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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