i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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