My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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