Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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