he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
