Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
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I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
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damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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