she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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