I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
