I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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