yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
