I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
