Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
