I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize