you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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