you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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