I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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