I feel like I'm in dance class right now
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
me + whiskey = a bad person
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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