Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
