Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
