I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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