You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
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he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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