I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
