I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
