Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They took my balls.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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