I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
