I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
as a side note pls kill me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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