the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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