so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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