You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
