The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
