I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
third nipple confirmed
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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