Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize