definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
