I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
