i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
