theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
