stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
