Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
