Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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