3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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