i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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