you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
