New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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