It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Randomize
