Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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