It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
