Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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