there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
