we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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