What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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