Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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