i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
