I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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