at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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