just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize