Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
