i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
