Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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