So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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