I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
